


Spike’s Very Bad, No Good Day

by displayheartcode



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Dresden Files - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5818510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/displayheartcode/pseuds/displayheartcode
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike’s luck with blondes are usually 50/50, but most of the time they just want to kill him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spike’s Very Bad, No Good Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gorgonine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgonine/gifts).



> So, uh, this was written ages ago for Musa.

“She left me!” Spike moaned. “Can you believe it? She left me for a bloody mold demon!”

The woman still had her gun pointed at him. “Sir, can you please—oh _, shit!“_

“What did I do?” he asked as if to himself. Spike held his dinner up to his face. The human screamed something and flapped his weak arms and legs. “Why would she leave me, yeah? I gave her everything! Bloodied roses, babies’ tongues, dolls, _my heart!”_ He squeezed the human’s neck. “Is that it? Am I not bad enough?”

A bullet struck the vampire’s chest. Spike stumbled, his back hitting the alley wall as he tripped on his coat.

“M’tryin’ to eat in peace, and you shoot me!” he snapped. He felt the hot metal digging into the skin, and the shock that the puny human had the audacity to do that. Who did she think she was? _Summers?_ “I’m a man in serious pain and I don’t need this.” Spike stood up and dropped his dinner. The human was quiet now, probably dead. 

He looked at the cop who was busy glaring at him. She was small with blonde hair that reminded him of the Slayer. She would do. Wiping the blood from his mouth, he wondered how hers would taste. She was standing tall; nonplused for someone that was encountering a vampire. Oh, yes, hers would taste like the fiery courage that pumped her veins, and would burn so well in his mouth as the sweetness of death—

And then he got a face full of Holy Water.

“Bloody hell!” He tried to wipe it off his face, but _it burned it burned it burned._ “What is wrong with you?” Even through the searing pain in his eyes, he could see that the woman had a different gun. This one was longer and colorful and was made out of plastic.

Spike was being bested by a Super Soaker.

“I’ll kill you!” He lunged, arms out to strangle her pale neck, and she punched him.

It was no Slayer punch, but with the Holy Water it was painful. Spike clutched his nose, and was distracted by the pain as she bloody kicked him in the knees. On the ground, he found himself staring at the nozzle of the Super Soaker.

“Fine. Put me out of my misery!” Spike put away his game face. “Kill me already. What do I have left?’ 

“Other than an obvious lack of dignity?” she asked.

“It’s a short list, luv.”


End file.
